Never Let the Truth Get in the Way of a Good Story

In addition to a love of food, the outdoors, and a laid-back lifestyle, the Helms' family love of effectual exaggeration is a mentality greatly embraced by the town of Bratsigovo. Due to a lack of noteworthy events in my day-to-day life I will be examining the various claims of the town which I now call home. Please keep in mind that despite the insistence of my friends and colleagues, there is very little statistical evidence to back these up, therefore, they must be true.

The Bratsigovo Clocktower
Located in the center of town one can find the Sveti Yoan Predtecha Church, constructed in 1883 by masters from the Bratsigovo school of architecture. A mere 10 meters away stands the Bratsigovo Clocktower, at a majestic height of 28.61 meters. Although the story has been revised many times throughout my tenure in Bratsigovo, the most common claim heard is that this clocktower is the largest free-standing clocktower in the entire Balkan region. Despite this claim, a rudimentary google search of clocktowers in the Balkan region will show that the towns of Bitola, Macedonia and Tirana, Albania both contain clocktowers of over 30 meters.

The Cleanest Air in Europe
According to a NASA study conducted in 1993-1994, the village of Ravnogor (located a mere 15 km from Bratsigovo) was name the most ecologically pure region on the Balkan peninsula. These findings were published in 1994 the "prestigious American magazine" National Geographic. "That is slander!" you might be saying to yourself. "I don't trust that preposterous liberal magazine!" you cry. Well for all you naysayers, I have provided a link to satellite images of the town here. You can practically smell the freshness flowing from your computer.

Bratsigovo Water
Taken from a depth of 500 meters at a temperature of approximately 27 degrees celcius, Bratsigovo mineral water is said to have exceptional healing properties. Below is a list of just a few of the diseases which this miracle water is said to prevent and treat:

"Deforming osteoporosis, rheumatoid arthritis, gout, chronic myositis, migraine headaches, neuritis, chronic inflammatory processes on the female genitals, infertility, diabetes, psoriasis, chronic bronchitis, ulcers, gingivitis, progressive muscular dystrophy, and chronic intoxications with heavy metals."

Keep in mind that this is simply a fraction of the diseases which Bratsigovo mineral water treats. I figure if I drink a liter and a half a day for two years I should be pretty much immune to the all known and unknown diseases of the world today.

Currently Reading: "A Tale of Two Cities" by Charles Dickens
Currently Listening to: "The Historical Conquests of Josh Ritter" by Josh Ritter